damn, i cant even fucking sleep. my back is hurting beyond usual pain tonight... i came online when i got home. it was about midnight or so when i got off... my back is tweeking out. damn this fucking shit!!! anyhow, its like 5am, i just woke up and i cant find it in me to fall asleep again... i have work in like two hours... this shit is nasty...
so i am here just kickin it... in pain and updating... well thanks for all the welcomes, from those of you who actually seem to read this trash... anyhow... so a little about me huh?
if you dont know already, my name is amber... obviously i love tool... i hate that no one where i live really does, or maybe i cant find anyone who does.. its sad cuase i am mixed with black, and you all know being black has all its major disadvantages... fuck that!! oh well, i am not dark or anything, in fact i look more mxican (as others say) than anything! but thats not really the whole point... people dont seem to like me, i guess its just me... anyhow, i have so many complaits and so many fucking problems. but then who doesnt huh? i have no realy expirence in the dating field, i mean i have had about three real relationships, all short term, and all failed miserably... life sucks in my part of the world... i have been in love with a gay guy, all the things i shouldnt have done, i have done. you name it... and i have been through it... i think at least... well, from what my mind lets me know about. you see, i dont rememeber much of any part of my past... its all a mere blur into nothingness, seriously... nothing. how do you not rememeber things??? ugh, this is so stupid!! but anyhow, maybe its for my own good not to remember huh?? i am so cynical, and positively negative 100% of the time... i love the simpsons... and i love the color red... my room happens to be all red and black, yes it is... walls and all... bed itself is one of those canopy things with black lace shit all around shielding it from light... i like it, people love it too. but thats not important huh?
so i first heard tool about three years ago... trip out huh? why it took me so long? i cant answer that, but thank god i found it...lol. anyhow, yeah, it was of course schizm, yes that song... i never listened to the radio (still dont mind you) and one day my mom had it on... and i heard it... i couldve dies... right away i detected something... from that moment on i need more of whatever it was... but i didnt know what the fuck it was... and nither did my friends... so months pass, and here comes judith, and clueless as i was fell in love with this too... and i needed this too... first came this obsession with a perfect circle...and about year later or so i bought lateralus, still in the dark... i didnt really even pick it up (as i do with most my newly boughten cds) and i was head over heals for a perfect circle... then out of the blue one day, i picked up lateralus, and i never put it down... this was about a year and half ago... i loved it.. then i found out that it was the same man.... just behind the creation of my two most fav bands... how convienient??? and then my mission was set out about a year ago... i had to buy every single tool cd... next came anemia, and then undertow... and then opiate, and then salival... and salival was such a bitch, seeing as how i was about two years too late... it took me forever to find it on dvd!! but i did.... i even have a post about that day in my journal... and i have several back dated posts that are worth reading... check back in december if you please...well, i know no one will, so how about i track them down and post them here one day...lol, yeah how about that?? lol, so anyhow, now that you have just read all this non interesting shit about me, which isnt nearly all of me... but just a bit or two... hope to hear form you guys soon...
oh yeah, does anyone happen to live in california? anyone in southern cali?? anyone in riverside? let me know, i want to make friends... i am on this mission to make new friends... i have had the same friends for years now... not lying either, the same four or five friends... nothing in my life changes, it just sucks all the time... you know what? i want sex.. yeah i want sex like right now... wheres brian when you need him? brian is this guy i just recently did one night things with... it was good... and i just need more... maybe i'll find someone today... this is why i need to make new friends... tired of be alone, and tired of men (yeah actually boys) hiding and running from me...
oh yeah, i got my first tool shirt in the mail yesterday!!! yeah!!! i ordered all this trash off ebay and so i am in debt... ha... i am such a loser...